I’m very happy to know Susan. Sometimes I have aspirations of having a national spotlight like Dr. Oz. Then, on days like yesterday, I’m glad to be connected to my clients, one on one, as they break through their barriers and progress slowly but surely toward great health. For me, it’s as good as being on Oprah.
BTW- Susan texted me this weekend because she couldn’t make my Sunday workout, but wanted me to help her squeeze in a workout. I couldn’t resist and sent her back a text saying pardon me while I thank God for this miracle, “You are actually asking me to help you exercise, the girl who HATES exercise?”. I thought it was funny and ironic, she told me otherwise
I tried to come up with a theme for this week’s blog numerous times, and the only thing that kept springing to mind was the image of a headless chicken flapping around in circles in the barn yard right before it keels over and croaks. Does that make me demented? Probably, I have always had a bit of a twisted sense of humor, but it is how I have been feeling these past few weeks. I have perfected the dance of the chicken without a head. I react, I squawk, I rush and stumble about, and sooner than later, the stress of it all is going to bring me down one way or another.
This blog is also ironic in a way. It’s my 50th for Peter’s site, and I have tried to sit down and get it hammered out no less than fifty times this past week. At this very moment, it is precisely 5 days overdue. Each and every time I have sat down to write I have been distracted and interrupted by kids or family, or simply did not have the time to devote to it because of appointments, obligations, or “walking dead” exhaustion. Again, most of this aggravation and apathy can be traced back to my reactionary dance routine. I know in my heart that if I could perfect the timing of my juggling act and actually get my sh*t together, I would be truly formidable. As I type this, the old psych major in me is trying to butt in to my thoughts regarding subconscious motives, but I’m in no mood, so I am duct taping her mouth shut.
In the few brief moments I have had to myself this week, I find I have the same question rattling around my head, nagging at my thoughts- At what point is enough- finally, really, enough? How dissatisfied with my life do I have to become before I am strong and fearless enough to make the major changes I need to in order to be truly happy?
Over twelve hours have passed since I wrote the above paragraphs. Peter texted me this morning (the poor guy), requesting that I send him my long overdue blog. I told him to call me; then proceeded to have a minor hissy fit as I described all the ways I have been pushed and pulled this week. Over-wrought? Check. High strung? Check. Babbling sleep deprived idiot? Double check. You do know he sometimes moonlights as a therapist, don’t you? ) We talked for just a few minutes, but he managed to put me more at ease. For starters, he gave me a brief reprieve on the blog which lowered my stress level significantly. Next he asked if I could go take a walk, which I am sure would have done wonders for me, but I couldn’t as I am under “house arrest” with Andy who is finally home from the hospital and still recuperating from his spleen injury. We settled on a few brief minutes of “me” time out on the deck, standing in the sun. He asked me to come up with 5 things that I am grateful for during my “deck” time. Corny right? Here’s the thing. It actually worked. Did it solve my problems for me? No, but it did make me feel less tense, less overwhelmed, and more able to take on the rest of my day. Here is the list I sent him:
- Just for today, I am grateful that I have a big ass. Andy is taking great pleasure in shooting at it with his Nerf gun. It is keeping him infinitely amused as he has a big target to shoot at and has decent aim.
- It’s 9/11 today, I had forgotten. It sort of put a lot of things in the proper perspective when I stopped and remembered what happened that day, who I spent it with, etc…
- I made a new buddy at the last workout of Peter’s I attended. Very cool lady, and so easy to relate to. We “more-than-a-muffin tops” have to stick together, lol.
- My iPod. It sounds dumb, but it’s my own form of escapism when I have to do housework or loathsome chores. I pull up an audio book or a pod cast and zone out while I work.
- A silly text from Craig checking in on me and asking about the boys and my day. It’s not his usual style, it made me smile and feel less alone in the world when I needed it most.
OK, so there u have it. I am ending here. The next blog is due again in a few short days. I haven’t gotten on the scale this week, and I am not doing it now. I’ll check back in with a weigh in on Blog #51. I am attending Peter’s new workout on Sunday morning, and have a coaching session scheduled later on in the morning. I am going to get a grip and shake this funk of mine. I am also going to come up with some solid solutions so I can retire the chicken dance routine, as well as develop some better coping strategies. Life is too short for BS.